I have become aware of the truth that self care is more than just a phrase. Self care truly is important but it is true self care that matters. I have been allotting time for reading which I enjoy or playing computer games as a type of self care. I needed this "down time" certainly but there is more to self care than that. I discovered true self care in doing that thing I love most in the world- horseback riding. I rode Saturday in the mountains and was genuinely revived in both my body and spirit. My body is tired and sore but my mind is truly rested and refreshed.
I don't know how to continue this type of self care in that it creates other difficulties. Like most humans, I succeed and fail and try again. I will do the best that I can for now. My best rarely seems good enough but I am learning to accept (trying to accept) my limitations.
On another note. I typically am a very positive person. I enjoy reading accounts of successes and stories where the writer finally discovers God at work all along in a situation that she has faced with faith. I wish I knew better how to address those situations in life in which there is no positive outcome: No "aha" moment of realizing God's greater plan working all things for good. What is the best response as a chaplain to the heart questioning the suffering that leads to more suffering and death. I have been reading Mother Teresa's letters and she finds that suffering leads us to identify more with the "passion of Christ" but I don't always see the connection. Christ's "passion" had a purpose beyond just the suffering I believe. I can see some avenue for personal introspection and growth related to suffering but I struggle with prolonged suffering, cruelty, diseases, mental illness suffering, etc. Even the things I have discovered in myself I cannot share and expect another to relate or understand. How can I begin to understand the suffering another goes through? I cannot. Yet I do know that hurt for those who hurt and weep with those who weep. God help us find our way through the pain or at least ease it enough that we can bear it if it is going to last.